Just when I thought the world was down to HIV and herpes, we have a new import from Europe. Super syphilis. That’s right. Syphilis is back and it seems to have grown super powers.

It wasn’t the IRS that really took down Al Capone. It was Syphilis. It’s brutal. Now, it’s threatening to take down the adult film industry. Pornos. They’ve stopped filming. Just stopped. Talk about another industry we can’t afford to lose.

I’m fond of Europeans and their fine work in the field of adult entertainment. Come on though—keep your STD’s on that side of the Atlantic.

Maybe we need special passports. Passports for Porno stars. It’s not as if they would be issued by some special porno kingdom or anything. You know, a magical kingdom of put your cock in there. They would be issued by the respective porno stars’ nations. Like it should be. Read more →

So I’m off the motor vehicle department this week. It’s not as bad as a colonoscopy but just the same, I’d assume not go. Every once in a while, there are things that you can’t do online. The last time I was there, I had a les than satisfying experience. Let’s just say that the broad behind the counter was less than welcoming. Her attitude sucked.

It’s not all her fault. She probably shouldn’t have been hired in the first place. Somewhere along the line, somebody forgot that those are customer service jobs. It’s a shame that there aren’t any competitors.  What are we going to do, fire them all? That’s not a realistic solution.

Additionally, a lot of the people going to the motor vehicle department are idiots. Some of them aren’t even sure why they are there. Unfortunately, stupid isn’t going anywhere anytime soon. Read more →

Apparently there is a subtle art to choosing a bride. Otherwise, the divorce rate wouldn’t be so astronomical. I don’t see it changing anytime soon and it’s not as if we can afford to lose another industry. Sure, it’s sad when a family breaks up. But on the other hand, there are some positives—things to take advantage of. The biggest being that there are divorced women to marry.

Look fellas, if you’re going to get married and I don’t recommend that you do, choose a gal that has already be married—and preferably, to a hump. Right off the bat, she’s more than likely going to be more than happy with the small, only very close friends wedding. You know, the kind that is paid for before the divorce. If you’re really lucky, she’ll be down with a nice, simple, civil service. Don’t hold your breath for Vegas. That takes a very special kind of broad.

Why do I say preferably to a hump? That’s easy, the expectations of what marriage means to her will be far less then they were the first time around. As much of a bum as the first guy may have been, he did you a favor. Read more →

Right off the bat, I’m not talking about any sort of rerelease onto the sexual landscape. I’m referring to coitus interuptus. While it shouldn’t ever happen, it does. It happens more often than one would want. Emergency phone calls, kids, somebody comes home early—shit happens.

The fellas and I are spending time at the bar—not much of a shocker—and there are some broads talking about the lack of foreplay in their lives. At first, I’m not sure if they’re bitching or fishing. I was game to find out. Plus, if there is a way that I can help, I will. That’s just the kind of guy that I am.

Before I can find a suitable entry into the gals’ less than private conversation, my friend Long Haired Mike blurts something short of intelligent. He actually asked if there was something wrong with their vaginas. What? They definitely heard it so I was not wondering if he actually said that. From the look on their faces, he certainly did. Read more →

I’m not a fan or even a believer in long-term relationships, the dreaded LTR. So this really doesn’t have a direct affect on me. Again, one-nighters and pros are my best bet. What does have an affect on me is having to listen to people blather about whether or not their significant other is cheating on them. Some of these folks aren’t even sure that any type of cheating is going on and they’ve work themselves into a tizzy. If you’re that insecure, stay single.

I did say, type of cheating. There are many different categories—even more thanks to our modern world. If you think that you’re being cheated on, consider this. Most things that you believe to be cheating, are in fact, simply put, not.

What’s this, you took a gal to Red Lobster twice? She’s not yours pal. She’s still well in the pool. There’s a good chance that she is going to Red Lobster with all kinds of guys. Let me guess, she told you just to meet her there on both occasions. Not cheating. The problem is your misconception. Read more →

Ladies, you may find this strange but, gentlemen, a tiny bit of advice from me to you—never, ever, ever, under any circumstances, get an erection, while taking a crap. Especially, at someone else’s house.

Don’t look at me that way.

It happens. Look, I don’t know who’s buying all the boner pills—I’m still popping erections like a twelve-year old. You know, the inconvenient kind. Like when you’re sitting next to a hot broad on an airplane. Turbulence. Boner. Coincidentally, I hope the lady on my flight last week wasn’t embarrassed.

So as if I didn’t know any better, I find myself on the commode at a friends house—not normally my style—the away game and all—but whatever his wife cooked needed to get the hell out of me—right away. We’ve all been there. It’s one of those great meals you have at someone else’s house where you can’t even make it out their door before it comes shooting out of your ass.

Sometimes you have to shit where you eat. Read more →